We are all familiar with the concept of mentoring - we hear it at work and in the media. But where does the idea come from, and how can it work in Bethany City Church? Here is an article written by Dave Burke introducing the idea of Co-mentoring. If this is of interest to you, or you want more information why not email us or chat to one of the Staff Team...
When Odysseus left for the Trojan War he entrusted his son, Telmachus to the care of Mentor, an older man who would bring the boy to manhood. Today a mentor is one who will enable you to learn a trade or a skill. This works in the spiritual realm too; teaming up with the right person can really help you to make better progress as an apprentice (or disciple) of Christ. Several people have, over the years, contributed to my own spiritual development as we have met to pray study and discuss together.
Though we can't always find an older brother to mentor us we can all co-mentor with someone - two equals helping one another to grow. I think of this as two apprentices comparing notes and looking at each others craftsmanship in a spirit of constructive criticism and mutual encouragement.
How do you start? Some people work in threes and even fours, but you will need at least one person you can work with. This needs to be:
- An individual you like and respect - and who respects you in turn
- Someone who will be able to give time to this regularly - say once a fortnight
- This person needs to be compatible with you - a like-minded individual
If you need help finding someone why not have a word with one of the leadership team; we can at least try to be matchmakers!
When first you meet, here are some ideas to get you started:
- Begin with a chat about how this is going to work
- You could decide on a book of the bible to read together - when you meet you could compare notes
- Always try to pray together
- At first, conversation will be fairly general, but don't let it stay this way. Find out what you are both struggling with, and try to support each other
- Don't let your conversations become dull! Share encouragements - have a laugh together
- You may like to read through a Christian book together - there are some suggestions at the end
When I first started preaching I met each week with a colleague so that we could criticise each others work. We used to identify two good things and one bad thing about our latest efforts at preaching. By co-mentoring one another week by week, we both improved dramatically.
As time goes by... you may like to keep things sharp by using some scriptures as ‘checklists' to talk about strengths, weaknesses and your spiritual progress.
Here are two to get you started; the first one's from the apostle Paul:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23
And here's one from Peter:
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8
These passages help you frame questions like, "So how are you adding to your knowledge?" or "When do you loose control, how can we change that?" Pointed questions, yes, but wouldn't you be grateful of someone asking them?
How do you end? Most mentoring relationships don't last a lifetime. Agree to try this for three months and review at the end. You may find that a year of working together is enough, people who get on really well may continue for many years. Be open and mature about discussing this and making decisions about when it is right to come to an end or continue.
A small proportion of co-mentoring relationships do not work at all, this is fine so long as you can end the arrangement in a mature fashion.
Some books you may like to read together
These are Christian Classics - easy to read and brimming with stuff that will do you some good!
- The Fight, by John White - this is an excellent introduction to Christian living, realistic and clear-headed. Everyone should read it! IVP, ISBN 9780851114958
- The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren - a six week programme of daily readings focusing on our purpose in life. Zondervan, ISBN 0310210747
- Too busy not to Pray, by Bill Hybels - the title says it all! Practical and challenging. IVP, ISBN 0851108458
- Knowing God, by Jim Packer - this is a more demanding read, a very influential book about getting closer to God. Hodder and Stoughton, ISBN 9780340863541
Dave Burke
Senior Pastor